Ghosting: Gone Without a Trace

Written by Haley Adams

B​reak-ups are never easy, and as most individuals know, they can lead to serious, sometimes lasting, negative implications on mental wellness. Certain methods of ending a relationship make the situation easier to manage, whereas other methods can make the situation more complicated and more difficult to handle. One of these less than ideal approaches to breaking up with a romantic partner is called ghosting. It may not involve a translucent figure that has returned from the dead, but it can be just as scary. When an individual is suddenly without a relationship to which they have become accustomed and not given a reason for why they are suddenly alone, insecurity, resentment, and anger can consume this individual. 

What is ghosting?

The term "ghosting" may be new, but the act that it describes has been around for years. Even celebrities have been accused of ending a relationship in this manner. According to Borguets (2016), ghosting is when one individual in the relationship ends the connection by suddenly discontinuing all communication with the other without warning or an explanation. This method of relationship termination is not limited to romantic involvements; ghosting can also occur in friendships.  Considering the variety of options available that can be used to end a relationship, it is not surprising that ghosting results in anger and other negative reactions from the partner, who is left with no reason for why the relationship suddenly ended. 

Why would someone ghost?

​There are many reasons for why an individual would choose to ghost. One of the main reasons involves the urge to avoid one's partner when ending a relationship. A person who chooses to ghost wants to avoid conflict and confrontation by suddenly ending all communication, rather than by discussing ending the relationship with the partner. This urge to avoid could stem from a variety of reasons, including guilt about an issue in the relationship or a simple change in feelings (Harasymchuk, 2014). 

​This manner of ending a relationship and the repercussions that ghosting has on both individuals who are involved are not simple, though. Important to note, ghosting is not used to describe individuals who seek to end an unsafe or abusive relationship by disappearing in order to find safety. The motivation in this case is both emotional and physical safety; whereas, the motivation for ghosting is avoidance (Borguets, 2016).

How do people react to ghosting?

It is important to remember that ghosting is viewed negatively, and the odds of maintaining a friendship after the breakup are slim to none (Harasymchuk, 2014). If an individual wants to remain friends or is even considering the possibility of getting back together, ghosting is the last action that should be taken. A partner who is suddenly left alone and without answers generally reacts negatively and experiences anger towards the ghost (Borguets, 2016). These reactions, however, are quickly overshadowed by the insecurities that are triggered as a result of this experience. Without being given a reason for this loss of social connection, people are left to wonder what they did wrong, which creates an endless and often long-lasting cycle of insecurity (Borguets, 2016). 

​Often, between bouts of insecurity, the victim of the ghosting situation views the ghost as the bad guy and as a coward. These conflicting emotions of anger and insecurity tend to build up and result in extreme behavior that often results in a confrontation with the ghost. Therefore, the very situation that the ghost was trying to avoid occurs tenfold when the victim tracks the ghost down and causes a scene, often in front of an audience that consists of family, friends, or coworkers (Borguets, 2016).  

Final thoughts

​Breakups are difficult to handle, regardless of how they are implemented. However, ghosting is not the appropriate method to use when ending a relationship of any kind. Ghosting is viewed as cowardly and stems from avoidance. This avoidance tactic rarely works because the victim is left with conflicting negative emotions and a surplus of insecurity that often leads them to publicly confront the ghost. Therefore, ghosting should be avoided when ending relationships, and more gentle approaches should be considered.

​Resources

Borguets, M. (2016). The Psychology of Ghosting: Why People Do It and a Better Way to Break Up. The Huffington Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lantern/the-psychology-of-ghostin_b_7999858.html.

Harasymchuk, C. (2014). Ghosting: The 51st Way to Leave Your Lover? Science of Relationships. Retrieved from http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2015/10/6/ghosting-the-51st-way-to-leave-your-lover.html.